In explanation to my recent transformation into for lack of a better word, a monster I feel I have some explaining to do. I don't expect everyone to full understand, as no one full understands me and who I am and how my life has been. None of you save for one (who has been around me since 1st grade) has really been in my life for a long time.
Over the past few months I have had little to no social interaction with anyone. I've had an occasional few outings with some friends and I do interact with people via Xbox Live, but it's not enough. Anyone who knows anything knows that humans are social creatures. For one to experience little to no social interactions for weeks at a time is like being in total isolation. Eventually your mental state starts to deteriorate. It's not as bad, but it's similar enough.
To top it off, I suffer from bipolar disorder and frequently suffer thoughts of suicide. Due to a lack of any kind of health insurance, I have been unmedicated for months. I do work hard to keep my mind and emotions in order, but you must understand it is rather difficult when you are not receiving the proper treatment.
Call me over dramatic, call me an attention seeker, call me pathetic, call me selfish. At this point I really don't care what people think. I just need the people who do care about me to understand. Being silent, ignoring me, treating me like I don't exist because you think such things of me or because I tend to be mean and rude is only causing me to act such way. If you can't understand where I am coming from and who I am, that is sad and honestly, not understanding is more pathetic then my suicide attempts and cutting as a cry for help.
For those who have offered support and have gotten a cold shoulder from me. Understand I want the support, I just have never been able to trust anybody. I have been working at being able to accept it, but honestly I do not want your support if it isn't genuine.
Should you have anything to say, say it. Should you have any questions, ask them and I will answer. Should you wish to offer support, I will take it as best I can. Should you wish to be an asshole, go fuck yourself. Should you wish to be friend thank you.
That is all I have to say on the matter. For now.
Over the past few months I have had little to no social interaction with anyone. I've had an occasional few outings with some friends and I do interact with people via Xbox Live, but it's not enough. Anyone who knows anything knows that humans are social creatures. For one to experience little to no social interactions for weeks at a time is like being in total isolation. Eventually your mental state starts to deteriorate. It's not as bad, but it's similar enough.
To top it off, I suffer from bipolar disorder and frequently suffer thoughts of suicide. Due to a lack of any kind of health insurance, I have been unmedicated for months. I do work hard to keep my mind and emotions in order, but you must understand it is rather difficult when you are not receiving the proper treatment.
Call me over dramatic, call me an attention seeker, call me pathetic, call me selfish. At this point I really don't care what people think. I just need the people who do care about me to understand. Being silent, ignoring me, treating me like I don't exist because you think such things of me or because I tend to be mean and rude is only causing me to act such way. If you can't understand where I am coming from and who I am, that is sad and honestly, not understanding is more pathetic then my suicide attempts and cutting as a cry for help.
For those who have offered support and have gotten a cold shoulder from me. Understand I want the support, I just have never been able to trust anybody. I have been working at being able to accept it, but honestly I do not want your support if it isn't genuine.
Should you have anything to say, say it. Should you have any questions, ask them and I will answer. Should you wish to offer support, I will take it as best I can. Should you wish to be an asshole, go fuck yourself. Should you wish to be friend thank you.
That is all I have to say on the matter. For now.
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